23: to childfree or not to childfree? (2/3)

content note: references to transphobia and other forms of queerphobia

december 30th, 2024

page time! I’m really really happy with how this one turned out 😀 I think the more creative panel layout works well here, and the designs of Blobic and Chris in the lower panel really match the vibes I was going for!

desaturating the background and switching Blobic’s primary color back to white also both seem to help with the foreground/background contrast, although they do make pages one and two of this series somewhat visually disconnected, which isn’t ideal. though you could say something poetic and literary-analysis-y about the bright hazy dreamlike colors of page one contrasting with the more muted but still deliberately vibrant colors of page two 😛 we’ll see what I end up doing with page three; ’tis an experiment still-in-progress!

content-wise, I definitely don’t want to paint too negative a picture of parenting while queer/poor/etc; there’s lots of people doing it and doing a great job at it and having a great time in the process, and lots of wonderful people and organizations who’re happy to support these sorts of parenting journeys! but it definitely takes hard work and dedication, and I’m increasingly realizing that I might Just Not Be Interested Enough in parenting to choose to navigate these known obstacles, let alone whatever unexpected obstacles would indubitably arise along the way.

which is part of what’s happened with my gerbil kiddos — I love them dearly and I feel very honored to know them, and when I first got them I was very excited about the prospect of gerbil parenting, but I really underestimated how many behavioral, health, financial, etc etc issues can arise in the course of caring for a pair of gerbs for a handful of years, and it turns out that my initial excitement could only help me so much in navigating all that. I’m fairly committed to keeping them for the rest of their lives and continuing to give them the best quality-of-life as I can, but it’s really opened my eyes to just how much work parenting can be even when you’re going into it with plenty of research and the best of intentions, and I don’t think it’s high on my list of things I’d like to do again with the rest of the time I have here.

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transcript:

but as much as I love my gerbil kids, I find being their primary caretaker overwhelming more often than not,
[a worried-looking Blobic thinks of two distinct and cute-looking gerbils, accompanied by the thought, “oh nooo, I still have to take the gerbils out to play today, don’t I? I was really hoping to have some time to myself instead, hhhh”]

and I’m not really comfortable being a queer parent in the present-day United States,
[Blobic continues thinking, this time wondering, “will I still be able to adopt kids here as a trans poly person five or ten years from now? will I want to?” and picturing himself pregnant. imaginary pregnant Blobic frowns dramatically and thinks “bruh” at another person, who is pointing at Blobic and saying, out loud and to his face, “lol mpreg”]

and it’s a massive relief to think that instead of being a tiny fraction of what I’d want to raise a human child, my current amounts of free time and available income can just . . . be enough for me!
[Blobic is thinking also of a list of online search queries, reading, “how to find a better paying job,” “how to find a better paying job i dont hate,” and “how to find a better paying job i dont hate that still gives me time to actually parent.” below this, in a separate, real-life scene, Chris and Blobic sit on a grassy hill speckled with flowers with birdsong filling the air, clinking canned beverages together (in my mind they’re fun craft kombucha) in a toast and smiling at each other as Blobic’s tail wags happily!]

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